Sunshine over my head

Hello new year

2012-01-05T20:17:00.001+08:00

2012. A whole new year. A whole new me.

I wonder most of the time, how does he do it?

Maybe I should ask.

2011-11-13T20:09:00.002+08:00

After all that has been said and done, it's time. It's time to let everything go. Why waste time and effort when it's seems so easy for him?

"Hope you can move on babe".

Yup. I'm moving on. I have to move on.

It's gonna be one hell of a ride, but if he wants to let go, then so be it.

2011-04-18T22:16:00.000+08:00

O ALLAH,

If he’s meant for me

and I am meant for him

Let us be together through ijabkabul.

O ALLAH,

If we are not meant to be together

Please avoid us from

seeing one another.

O ALLAH

If he’s the right person for me

let his iman be the one that I adore

and let him make my way easier to Jannah.

O ALLAH

If he’s the wrong person for me,

show him the right way

so that he can lead others instead..

Angsty

2011-01-16T15:15:00.002+08:00

I wish I could slit my wrist and shout at the top of my lungs then cry my heart out then seek solace in Allah.

Maybe I should just stick to seeking solace in Allah. For him to give me strength to go through all this.

An emotional wreck

2010-12-03T22:00:00.003+08:00

Like what fatboy always tell me, "You need to do some soul searching. Fast. Get your thoughts straighten out."

I don't understand why despite me treating him like crap, he stood by no matter what- to catch me when I fall, to listen to me when I'm down, to hear me cry randomly on the phone. He loves me, I know. But no matter how hard I try, I don't know why, I can never open up my heart to him. Well maybe because Farid's already in there. But even if I let go of Farid, he'd still not able to capture my heart..

I don't even know who my friends are anymore. What kind of friends give you cold wars? What kind of friends think that cold wars are the only way to get rid of me? Yes, I've been ignorant and so have the rest been. Why can't somebody fucking bother to open their mouth and tell me what's going on? It hurts don't you guys fucking know? To see FB get updated about your meet-ups and whatever nots. I'm invisible then? Get your sorry ass in my shoes and tell me how it feels. It's so awkward nowadays to even meet you guys up. Cause I know there's a fucking huge barrier between us. Everytime when we (ever) meet up, it feels like I have the whole world against me. But oh well, who cares? No one. Not even you, To, the one whom I thought I could trust.

Lets just face it. No one can be trusted anymore.

Cold war

2010-12-03T15:29:00.000+08:00

Getting hurt and to hurt is fun aey?

Nuff said.

I need another story, something to get off my chest. My life is kinda boring, need something that I can confess.

2010-11-05T09:01:00.005+08:00

I allowed myself to be vulnerable, when I know I shouldn't. I allowed my wall to come tumbling down. I allowed faith to take a huge leap. Yet again, I get disappointed.

Why? If you think that from the very beginning you weren't sincere, don't even try. Why was it so easy for you to say that you liked me, then feelings grew, then one small mistake (wasn't even mine to begin with) you claim that all love is lost. It's easy to get rid of love aey? Amazing. You financially drained me and then you dumped me. You bring shame to all the man out there.

I understood the fact that you're still looking for a job and you need money for transport and food. But nope, you still treat me like, pfft. I regret, I regret for allowing you to use my money. But even after the break up, I still lend you money, applied jobs for you YET you're still unappreciative. You received calls from the job I applied for you yet you didn't tell me. You posted it on FB, thinking I'd see it. Not even a single "thank you" came to me.

You're the worst ex-bf/friend I've ever known, in my whole entire life. I don't know how your friends put up with you for so long. No wonder Shira and Ana left you. I seriously wish Sera good luck if you and her were to be in a relationship. Maybe things might work out. Who knows. But oh well.

My parting words for you; FUCK YOU RAMDAN BIN SARUAN.

Things will never be the same again

2010-09-16T11:23:00.002+08:00

I've thought for so hard and so long. Is it really worth the wait? I can't seem to find the answer. Patience. It's so easy for people to say, "Patience. It'll come to you" but do they really know how it feels like to wait with uncertainty?

True, I'm the one that allowed myself to succumb to such consequences. Wouldn't you to? Wouldn't one succumb to what they think is "love"? They may be having an open mind and keeping options open but truth is, the heart has settled to one and finding a "replacement" requires the dating party to be a carbon copy or maybe better than what is already etched in the heart; impossible.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's obvious that chances are bleak but I choose to think otherwise. But what can I do? I can't even manage to salvage myself. He pushes and pulls me at so many ways than one. When he gives hope, it feels like as if everything's worth it. But when he starts to refrain, the world starts crumbling down.

I'm mentally strained. I'm tired of having to figure out. Somebody, save me.

I'm here to rant.

2010-07-02T01:39:00.002+08:00

I have been closed to my ITE coursemates recently and despite just knowing them for a short while, we have known a lot about each other.

One day, a friend of mine wanted to go somewhere that would be fun if we were to go in a big group, so I decided to ask them coursemates along. So she was introduced to them and everything went well. But eventually, they are my friends after all, so of course, I need my own personal time with them too.

What I do not understand is, why this friend of mine was upset that she was not asked along to this "outing". What happened to personal space? Why must she be asked along for all the meet-ups I have with them? Don't she have her own circle of friends? Gahh.

I hate this.

Love, love, love I want your love~

2010-06-10T18:51:00.002+08:00

What's love?

I can't put it to words myself. But I'm positively sure that what I'm feeling now is love.

He makes me feel like life is worth living for after all. I don't know how it will be like without him now.

All I can say, treasure love, while it lasts. (:

It's been a while

2010-03-20T02:59:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I pen down my thoughts in here. Tonight, I feel like blogging. Mojo just kicked in I guess.

Life has been having it's emotional turbulence every now and then. You have it when you least expect it. Love, desire, despair, elation; everything that you can ever imagine, I've felt it this season (okay maybe not all). Despite it all, I alhamdulillah, I manage to not succumb to other my needs, wants and desires.

It's the school holidays, but yet I've already started on my FYP project. Hopefully everything goes well. I want to get an A, but they always say, aim for the sky. Even if you fall, the very least, you'll land on the stars. (: 3rd year's just around the corner, but I'm guessing I may need to retake my Year 2 modules. It'd be a blessing if I don't have to. Maybe if I compensate in Yr 2, I'd actually need not repeat? Fat hope. Oh well. I'll pray for the best. I needa put in my all this 3rd year. Like, finally, I can find a stable job after graduation, insya Allah. (:

Currently, I'm still working at Vivo. Well, working there has been one heck of a ride. There was a major reshufflement and Hirman was to resign as of immediate effect. A man of great leadership skills have left Vivo. True, his working styles may be similar to those of military school, but after he left, all of us realized that we prefer his style; his scoldings, his way of discipling us kids, it has been instilled in us and it fits our daily lives perfectly. Ever since the new management took over, I'm comfortable with a manager and a supervisor, but I still have yet to adapt to the way the new boss works. But honestly, after the new management took over, many of my colleagues left and the only ones that are left plans to resign by June (which includes me, of course). Well, maybe I will, maybe I won't. At the moment, I'm still letting nature takes it's course. It's not easy to leave a company that I've been working for, for almost 3 years now. It really is not easy. Maybe I'll stick around till I graduate and find a stable job for myself. Only time will tell. (:

I'm falling in love. Correction. I am in love. I am in love with the man that I've known for a year coming this end April. I want him more than a friend. I want us to move on from that "friend" state. But I don't know what his motives are. I don't know what his plans are. Nope, it's not that I'm desperate. But I just wanna know, where do I stand in his heart. He avoids this form of questions whenever I ask him till I have developed a fear in me in asking him this love related questions. Sigh. If only I could muster enough courage to ask him the next time we meet...

It's already March. How fast time flies. Soon, school will resume session again. Oh well.

"Our Lord, lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear."

Negligence

2009-12-16T01:58:00.002+08:00

It's been quite some time that I haven't updated. So many thinngs have happened in such a short while. Amazing right? Well, I won't shut this down of course. It holds too much memory. Sigh.

As time goes by

2009-10-15T21:15:00.003+08:00

Change.

That's what I've been observing lately. People change over time- be it for the better or for the worst. Sometimes, I don't even know who my friends are anymore. Along the way, new friends are often made. What happens to the one that has always been there? Aren't they friends too?

Environment. I'm breaking out from TRU. I can't accept the fact that he's in and Nasa's posted out. I won't tolerate working with him. I won't. Maybe he's a changed man, who knows, but most definitely, I'm not gonna work with him again.

If any of u realise, I haven't been posting here. There's so many things to talk about YET there never seem to be any time for me to type them all down. Tumblr's a great way for u to be updated about me. Facebook too.

Till then, au revoir!

Rolling on bed trying to sleep

2009-09-17T03:41:00.002+08:00

I'm on bed now updating via mobile. I still have yet to start on pp report. Toto's going to kill me if he sees this. Heh.

I just realised yesterday (or was it the day before) that my fs's gone too. Silly me. Zid says I'm hopeless not to realise that it's already gone. Ain't my fault yknow. Haven't been in fs for a long time. I often wonder what satisfaction can he gain from robbing me off msn, fb and fs. Maybe tagged's gone too! Lol.

I've been meeting wann twice in a week now. That's only because I've got nothing better to do. My room's still in a mess and I can't be bothered about it to begin with. When guests comes on sunday, I'll just lock the door! Problem solved. Lol. Wann's been pestering me to work with him. No way I'm gonna work in fnb. I'm fine with retail.

I'm off to bed now. Will wake up again in a while for sahur. Good morning earthlings! :D

When we stumble and fall

2009-09-15T21:39:00.003+08:00

I've had enough of all this stumbling upon chances that were hardly there. Please stop being assholes. I'm tired of your mind boggling games. Let my mind rest will you?

Rudi and luqman, please go away. Don't disturb me anymore.

Bits & pieces here & there

2009-09-14T13:51:00.000+08:00

Been a while since I'm last here. As fast as time's travelling, it's almost Hari Raya. Celebration has been the same throughout the years after the death of grandma. There's nothing to look forward to anymore. Same old same old.

There's two new family members joining us this year though; Abang Harry(Hairi) and Sarah.

I can't wait for Oct. Roadtrip to KL!

I've run out of mojos on what to update here. Seriously.

Ramadhan

2009-08-26T15:58:00.000+08:00

So it's that time of the year again, the holy month of Ramadhan. Back to waking up for food during dawn and only eat & drink after dusk. It's actually the time to shed a little bit of the kilos!

And in this month, we have to forgive all those that has done wrong towards us, either intentionally, or unintentionally. And we have to seek forgiveness from Allah swt, kerana sesungguhnya dia adalah maha pengasih, maha pengampun dan maha penyayang. (:

Khayalan

2009-08-12T17:29:00.000+08:00

Mengapakah aku dibiarkan sebegini? Siapakah diriku di dalam dirimu? Kau sendiri tau ni semua bukan silap ku. Tetapi kau rasa apa yang ditutur oleh nya semua benar. Tidak pernah terlintas kah di fikiran kau bahawa aku menyayangi mu sepenuhnya? Kembali la ke pangkuan ku.

Kerna ku sayang kamu..

Been a while

2009-08-03T10:00:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last updated in here. I don't know what to update anymore. Sigh. I''m constantly on tumblr though. If you wanna know my webbie, MSN me. (:

ILR(:

9 words

2009-07-22T20:43:00.001+08:00

Baby, welcome to a whole new world of us.

Go figure.

Whispers

2009-07-21T15:35:00.001+08:00

Hello, I miss you quite terribly.

HelloGoodbye- Here In Your Arms

Road trip

2009-07-13T11:40:00.002+08:00

More than two has joined in the game (if you read from the previous post). Heh heh heh.

So anyhoo, Wandi's probably gonna organize a road trip to KL. I can't wait! Need to start saving up. Heh. KL by train baybeh!

Gahhh. I'm in a mood for some loving. Heh. (:

Two can play the game

2009-07-05T11:08:00.002+08:00

The other day, I accidentally found out something that wasn't suppose to be known. It also felt weird, over the fact that people were talking about it privately yet it's something that I know that they don't know I know (please try to understand wtf I just wrote).

So, me, being the meanie (actually, I'm innocent), told my brothers and sisters what happened. Of course, speculations started arousing as to why such a thing has happened. I wasn't angry that I wasn't part of it, I was just dissapointed that it happened. But oh well, not a big deal to me anyway.

Big brother wasn't around yesterday, so I left him a note, telling him to call me. And, tsk, so early call me already. Now, I can't go back to sleep. Anyway, he's gonna come up with a plan (must be one those "plans"). Ahh. Gonna just wait for it.

TWO CAN PLAY THE GAME.

Misses

2009-06-26T20:33:00.005+08:00

So as of 7+pm, the number of cases in my school is 34. Why can't they just quarantine the whole school population and disinfect the damn bloody school? Tsk.

Anyhoo, I have got no time to update this darla of mine. What a pity. Life's been about trying to catch up with sleep and going to work. Sad kan? But ok la, more work = more pay.

I ran into my Mr Firefighter on the way home today. I miss him so much! Gahhh. Why must he serve NS? It was nice to know that he's doing fine now. A week more to POP and he'll be posted to Clementi. (:

I met Mr Policeman yesterday morning. We just sat around near my area and talk nonsense. I rummaged through his wallet and saw his NS IC. HE IS SO GOD DAMN CUTE LAR! Heh. I wanna watch TF2 with Mr Policeman!

I must admit, I miss Mr Safety Officer. He never seem to have time for me. Maybe I'm not of importance. Maybe I should start listening (about time) to the advices of "moving on". Oh swells.

I miss Bearbear and Yunyun. ):

Maybe we're not meant to be.
<3o

Ass-ho

2009-06-18T20:48:00.002+08:00

Brother: When I get my first child, the first word I'm gonna teach him is ass-ho.
Me: Are you like insane or something?
Brother: Eh! Cool what!
Mum: Ass-ho, ass-ho.

Me: Tell me a secret you gaylord!
Brother: I'm not gay! And my secret is that I'm not hot, I'm spicy.
Me: Oh my goodness!
Brother: Hahaha. And besides that, I have a diploma in Biomedical Sciences!
Me: Oh really? Tell me then, what is PCR?
Brother: That's simple! It's Poopy Canary Rocketizer.
Me: ??!!?!?!?!?!?!

My family drives me insane sometimes. What would I do without them, I wonder. (:

I love my mummy

2009-06-16T14:58:00.004+08:00

Last Sunday, my parents and my younger brother went over to my Aunt's place. I missed the opportunity to meet fav cousin so my brother gave me an update of him instead. Yesterday, my brother told me something that was very funny yet crude- a conversation he had with my fav cousin.

"Lain kali cakap je ngan dia. Who the fuck are you to scold me you fucker? Fuck you la."
"Mane boleh, Atuk ade"
"Ah. Fuck that old man too. Stupid fucker"

So I went to the kitchen and told mummy what happened. Mum was shocked and said I was making it up. I convinced her that I wasn't and he (fav cousin) was really the one who said it and what she said next was idk-how-to-describe-it.

"Fuck that stupid fucking old man"

Hahahahaha. I love you mummy. (:

Of whatever nots

2009-06-15T12:43:00.002+08:00

First and foremost, HELLO RP! (=.=) The network in RP's going through a roller coaster of technical faults. It irritates me like a WHOLE LOT. Tsk.

Anyway, I can't believe I ended up folding costumes at work yesterday. Of all the things that could be done, Fidza made me fold the costumes cause she felt that I'm the best to that kind of job. I don't even fold my own clothes at home! Oh well. Sansan wanted me to leave store B as he wanted a "man to man" talk with Nasa and Wandi but Wandi was telling him not to be bothered by my presence as I'm already considered "half-guy". Thanks ar.

Cramps are killing me. Tsk.

The morning call made my day! :D

Ok dah.

Thinking of you

2009-06-11T20:30:00.001+08:00

Pardon the grammar, but it's something to ponder.

(:

Abandoned

2009-06-11T13:51:00.004+08:00

I realised, I've been abandoning this blog of mine. There are too many stories to tell, yet I can't quite find the time to tell them. Work has been full of office politics, which somehow, got me involved.

You're the lazy one yet I'm blamed for it. You told the manager you wanted a replacement cause you said I was slow. Dude, you didn't even complete the paperwork. You didn't even complete your portion of the paperwork. I had to complete them for you. Shitass. Yet you're complaining I'm the slow one. Go see yourself in the mirror man. You went for like, god knows how many smoke breaks and I was all alone when there was a sudden influx of customers. Seriously, if you've got an issue with me, tell me straight. Don't have to tell the manager who would eventually tell me that she's pissed with you for saying that. Choose the right people to tell. Or you'd be in trouble. Oh, if you think you don't like the way I work, no one likes the way YOU work. (except for maybe that gf of yours)

(:

Ridiculous behaviour

2009-06-08T22:41:00.002+08:00

Time & time again, I tell myself, that he's not worth it. Yet, time & time again, he pops out of nowhere, telling me that it's worth the wait. I'm suppose to let things go on it's own, yet, it's so difficult. Tsk.

Tell me how.

Amazing

2009-06-06T15:51:00.002+08:00

I cannot believe that time & time again, I feigned to believe that maybe it is not ignorance. I failed to believe that the proximity between us is getting wider. Why was I so foolish into hoping that it may one day become real? Maybe my presence do not matter anymore. Maybe his ego got the better of him. Maybe I was stupid enough into believe that there is hope for things to work out. I do not comprehend, why, I'm still holding on to something that is not there from the very beginning. Maybe it was all because I thought that this would be the next big thing.

Apparently, it's not.

Hold On

2009-06-05T22:26:00.002+08:00

Why do we like to hold on to something that may not be even there in the first place? Is it because of the small ray of hope that we feel when we decide to hold on? When do we decide to let go?

When? When? When?

Happy kid

2009-05-29T19:47:00.002+08:00

It’s the last day of school today! 2 weeks baby! Heh. So since we had practical today and it ended quite early, Sha drove us down to Woodlands Point for lunch. They are the kind of gfs you’d love to be with.

The faci is just so amazing today. Can’t believe he’s really nice and all. Guess he needed time to open up to a bunch of weird shitass kids. Haha! Faci, wa caya sama lu.

Alamak, aku macam craving Wantan Noodle ar. Tsk.

I miss FARID. If only he didn’t have school today, we could have met. ): Wasted. I’ll ask whether he’d be free tomorrow. (: But most prolly, it’d be a no. 2 reports needs to be rushed. Sigh. B, burn your reports and assignments and go out with me instead! IMY.

I don’t understand why IM still lingers around. I mean, I already said that I don’t have any feelings for him. Yet, he still pin hopes on me that I’ll be his someday. Seriously, don’t do this to me. It makes me have guilty conscience. It’s like as if it’s a burden I need to carry around. Sigh. This is killing me softly.

Baby, I miss you.

In school

2009-05-26T15:27:00.003+08:00

Dua tiga kucing berlari,
mana nak sama si kucing belang,
OH WOW!

M: Bapak aku kalau sepak, lima hari tak bangun.
S: Bapak aku kalau sepak, mulut berdarah je.
A: Bapak aku kalau sepak, seumur hidup makan bubur.
A, S, M: Hahahahahaha.
A: Kalau gitu kita combine ar. Sepak, mulut berdarah, then 5 hari tak sedar diri, beli da sedar, seumur hidup makan bubur.
A, S, M: HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

M: Kenapa dia tak kluar? Aku nak nyanyi ni.
A: Patutlah hujan Mira.
M: Oi.
S: Dia power. Belum nyanyi da hujan. *Mata terbeliak* Fuhh.

My daily dosage of rubbish in class. Jeng jeng jeng.

It got itchy again

2009-05-25T22:06:00.008+08:00

My head says NO, my heart says YES. I decided to go with the heart instead. I am not suppose to regret. Because I chose to do it.

I can never bring myself to stop it, really. It's hard and it takes time. (Well actually, I don't really wanna do it. Cause losing is NOT an option)

Adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
Yang masih bersemadi untukmu
Dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
Di sebalik senyuman mu itu
Kau juga merindui aku

<3farid>

It came tumbling down

2009-05-25T09:25:00.002+08:00

How fast can situations actually change? For me, it took just one night to turn me from being a happy kid to a sad kid instantaneously.

Ignorance, avoidance, commitment. They were the traits I failed to see all because I was certain that patience will pay off. But for how long am I suppose to hold on till he realises that I've been waiting all along?

Maybe it's time for a change. It's time I go get a breather.

Thanks Mail, Ridhwan, Cha, Su, Khai, Aeisha, Fatin, Fir and Zwan for being there for me. (:

One word

2009-05-24T21:43:00.004+08:00

It was all it took to sweep me off my feet. I'm still awaiting the day we shall meet again. (:

Can't you see
That i'm the one
Who understands
Been here all along
So why can't you see?
You belong with me.

<3 Farid

Breathe slow

2009-05-23T19:16:00.003+08:00

Farid called earlier in the day asking how I was. I was wide awake yet still sounding as if I was half asleep cause the tonsils are affecting whatever that's coming out from my mouth. Yeah, Farid thought I just woke up. So sad.

This is the first time, in my whole entire life that my cough syrup actually has an effect on me. Right after taking the medicine yesterday, I fell asleep. And today, after taking it, my body felt so weak. Farid told me to go get some rest, but I've rested too much till I'm bored. =.=

Patience. That's all I need.

I love you too much
It shows
All my emotions go
Out of control

Pool of pain

2009-05-21T11:31:00.003+08:00

Work was amazing yesterday though tiring. I got to meet Wandi, YunYun and MelMel! I'm a happy happy toys r us kid! I get to talk to MelMel after a looooooooooooooooong time. I got my dosage of YunYun's rubbish and I got my double dosage of Wandi's sleazing updates. :D I often wonder how girls can fall for Wandi. I can't imagine me falling for him. Wandi says it's because I don't have an "aroma therapy" with him. =/

My tonsils are swollen (again) so I had difficulty in speech. Wandi gave up talking to me and told me to shut up instead. =.= Dammit. What made things worst was I was also having mensus cramp.

Has called me, "the walking pool of pain". :/

Realisation

2009-05-17T14:45:00.006+08:00

"Maybe he doesn't want to commit, that's why he's treating you this way"

It's time to stop and think of what's best for myself. What's the purpose of hanging on still if it's going nowhere? All this while, his signs were misleading. I don't know what he wants. Maybe I should just let go and take a breather or two.

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street

Farid, who am I to you?

Senyuman memikat

2009-05-16T19:15:00.005+08:00

Nuruz kinda posted a video on her blog. So I looked up for more videos by that particular user and I found this!

(On the left is Acit and on the right, Apit) I was watching the vid and then suddenly, at around 4:55 (min), I swear I shrieked! Acit's smirk made me go crazy!!! Heh. Tapi tetap senyuman diraF menjadi pujaan hatiku. (: And the guitar's the sex yo. Cool shit.

Ok da. Perangai stop it.

XD

Questions

2009-05-15T12:20:00.003+08:00

At the end of the day, have we ever questioned ourselves, whether it's worthy at all? How much are we willing to sacrifice in order to keep the spirit alive? What happens if we give up? What if when we eventually give up, we're giving up on something that is actually worth the wait? How long are we willing to wait? Patience is virtue. Is it, really?

HAPPY KID

2009-05-13T19:06:00.008+08:00

Before someone else gets excited too, let me make it clear: there’s no strings attached between Farid and I. We’re just seeing each other. Whatever happens between us is just a test through time. Things may not turn out as predicted. We can just plan, but Allah swt will be the one that decides. (: If things don’t turn out the way I want it to, then I guess, there’s a reason behind why it happened. Everything happens for a reason. But in some cases, it’s best if we don’t know the reason. Some things are better left unsaid. For now, we’re not rushing it. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. (:

I can’t wait for the screening of Angels & Demons. Anybody wanna watch it together? :D I can’t wait for Nights at the Museum 2 either. I love the part where Darth Vader tried to kill Pharaoh and all he said was, “Oh I was just kidding. It’s not working”. HAHA! I CAN’T WAIT FOR HARRY POTTER EITHER! OMG!!! Heh.

Damn wasted that I didn’t attend the farewell dinner for the pinoys. I should have notified Erwan of the change of number earlier. Shouldn’t have listened to Sansan. Aiya. Wasted la! Could have met Wandi! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It was at Sakura International la. Free lagi! Damn.

I was so lazy to finish RJ yesterday. Perangai babi siak. When I saw the closing timing- 3am, I rushed it, cause I felt like as if I was going to fall asleep real soon. After it was done, my hand suddenly felt itchy then TA DA! I edited a picture of ~~Diraf~~ and it is plastered on my desktop now! Miang kan? But I loikeeee! Hehehehe. (Buat RJ malas tapi part-part gini menjadi-jadi. Miang tul) The moment he went online, I showed him and he said it was nice. I’m a happy happy kid! :D I told him I was feeling queasy yesterday and he said, "Yay! I'm gonna be a father soon!". =.= Thanks eh. He felt feverish too. Get well soon okay? (: My desktop! :D

I'm a happy happy happy happy happy happy KID! :D :D :D :D :D :D

You're the only one that knows me,
love it when you hold me,
never find a love like this

<3 DIRAF

When miang-ness sets in

2009-05-11T14:39:00.006+08:00

Aku gumbiraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Korang tak yah tau kenapa. Kalau nak tau jugak, tanye aku k? Haha. Ok bye. (:

ku tak akan pernah berpaling darimu
walau kini kau jauh dariku
kan slalu kunanti
kerna kusayang kamu

<3 DIRAF

Terlanjur cinta

2009-05-08T21:38:00.002+08:00

aku terlanjur cinta kepadamu
dan tlah kuberikan seluruh hatiku
tapi mengapa baru kini kau pertanyakan cintaku

aku pun tak mengerti yang terjadi
apa salah dan kurang ku padamu
kini terlambat sudah untuk dipersalahkan
karna sekali cinta, aku tetap cinta

Nuff' said.

All I want for my birthday is

2009-05-07T22:31:00.003+08:00

Bvlgari Pour Femme (Voile de Jasmin)
Adidas Gold Watch
E63
D90
Holga

You have till November to get them for me. Hehehehehehehehe. Ya lah, I no shame. XD

__________________________________

Am looking out for this books stated below. If you want to either let go or nice enough to lend them to me, tell me!! XD

Kissed by an angel - Elizabeth Chandler
The time traveller's wife - Audrey Niffenegger
My sister, my love - Joyce Carol Oates
The consequences of love - Sulaiman Addonia
The Choice- Nicholas Sparks
Not That Kind of Girl - Catherine Alliot
Eat Pray Love - Elizabeth Gilbert
The Lucky One - Nicholas Sparks

Thanks ehk!

<3diraf

I stumble and fall

2009-05-01T12:05:00.007+08:00

300409

All it took for me to fall deeper for him.
I'm fully aware that nothing else matters except for him.
(:

Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile?

Wanting to be your favourite hello and your hardest goodbye

Reservist

2009-04-29T07:52:00.002+08:00

Farid just reported for his reservist at 0730hours. GAHH. Even though Friday and Saturday will be his off day, he'd be tired and most probably be busy with school. I just have to patiently wait till the end of his reservist for Keppel Bay and Ben & Jerry's! XD I'm starting to miss him already. :(

Mum nagged at me this morning, asking why do I have a boyfriend that's so dark-skinned. She told me not to be so desperate in choosing guys and I still have a long way to go in finding a good guy. She said since my cousins could find good looking boyfriends, why can't I find a good looking one too. She even said my dad saw me with a guy. The best part is, I DON'T EVEN HAVE A BOYFR! For goodness sake, why must I look for a good looking boyfr? Pfft. That's the worst trait of my mum. She likes to compare. I hate it when she compares. It's like, whatever I do is just wrong. Dammit.

I was on the phone with Falah yesterday night. He calls me his "hot exgirlfr". Hahahahaha. His friends were asking him on why are we not back together. Even Fir asked me that. Well, at the moment, he wanna stay away from love and I have someone else in mind. I'm not saying it's impossible between us. Just that, if given the right time and opportunity for us to be together, then we will be together. But for now, it's just something that's just there.

It's 8.25am now and I can't believe I'm wide awake on a non-schooling day. Pfft.

Wanting to be your favourite hello and your hardest goodbye.

When facis starts turning into bitches

2009-04-23T16:15:00.004+08:00

I guess the whole class will agree with me on this. He's the worst faci I've ever met in my whole RP life so far. A221- Microbiology. That's the module he's teaching. Firstly, he does not go through FMT with us. Secondly, he doesn't even go through the worksheet with us, which means, if you have any doubts or queries, that's just your fucken problem. Go and research it on your own. Thirdly, if you're the last team to upload your slides, then all the best to your team.

What's the big deal anyway, you might ask. Well, while my team was joking around in class, Aaron said vulgarities which somehow was heard by the faci. He's immediate reaction was to kick Aaron's chair. WTF?! Like, come on man, you're a god damn faci, not some kid. Dammit. He didn't even guide us through our slides outline and all the way, we were cursing and swearing, loud enough for him to turn his head and gave us that look.

Since my team was the last team to upload the slides, he made us present first. He even made us present our worksheet. It was a one hour long of battling of the wits. He kept bombarding us with questions and initially, we argued back. Eventually, we got sick and tired, we just went, "Ah. Oh. Ok. Sorry, our mistake". But if his ears were sharp enough, a lot of, "Nabeh cibai, pukimak kau la, fuck u" were heard throughout the presentation. At the end of it, the whole team went out and rant our anger outside class. Fuck him if he heard us.

14 more weeks till the end of him. Fuck.

The good, the bad & the ugly.

2009-04-20T10:12:00.002+08:00

The Good

So yesterday night, I had a random outing with Farid. I called him up, saying that I wanted to go to Marina Barrage and since he was free for the night, he agreed to bring me there. Yay! He reached my place at 8 and his scrambler was damn damn noisy. (I swear I had difficulty reaching his bike. Blame the height) When he was making corners, my heart felt like dropping out. The corners he made was like, !@#$%&$.

Marina Barrage is damn damn AWESOME at night. The wind was strong. The time spent with Farid was priceless. The wind, the "live band", the "camera girl", him and the view in front of us just made my night. Thank you so much Farid for the time spent. (:

______________________________________

The Bad

As soon as I reached home, I could not sleep. I slept only at 2 and woke up at 4. Dammit. -.-

______________________________________

The Ugly

I was 15 mins late for school. All because the train I boarded had a technical glitch, causing us to alight at BB and take the next train. As soon as it reached Gombak, I met Engsen and cuteguy! Hahahahahah. The whole of us were cursing & swearing. But oh well. As soon as we reached Woodlands, I saw Aeisha. Thank god. She waited. Thanks babe! I even met Korkor! :D

And the faci in this recombinant DNA module is mendak-nak-mampos-aku-rasa-everytime-class-dia-aku-leh-tido.

-.-"

4 more days till school re-opens

2009-04-16T18:01:00.007+08:00

After the 2 month long (is it 2? i think it was 4. Hmm) holidays, finally, school's starting pretty soon. I think my holidays was quite wasted (only on the days I was rotting at home). But I sure had my own time of spending it. So many things was said and done, so many new friends made; holidays are awesome, if you know how to spend it well.

Nizam's text yesterday sure was a shock to me. Out of the blue. He went down to CPF building over at Jurong to get his statement. He jokingly asked me along and he was done in 15 minutes. Maybe next tim Nizam. Rudi also talked to me yesterday. Same old same old- the selfish, arrogant guy. Tsk. Maybe ego got all over his head.

Kamal has shown me signs of ignorance. Great. So much for not wanting to ignore. Gahh. I hate flings. Tsk. They suck. Oh well. I can't wait to get my hands on Angels & Demons. :D :D :D
____________________________

And you know the rain won't last forever
And you know the storm won't always flow
But if the sun don't shine forever
You gotta let it go

The wedding

2009-04-13T19:06:00.004+08:00

So Kak Zila's (cousin) finally married to Abang Hairi! Yay! I WANT TO SEE KIDS SOON! XD Alhamdulillah, their wedding was a breeze. Welcome Abang Hairi! Yay! Finally, a cousin to stop our (Kak Zila and myself) bitching sessions. Heh.

Pictures! :D

Dammit. I'm so exhausted. -.-"

The only reason

2009-04-10T15:32:00.003+08:00

I need to get my thoughts sorted out. That's what i always say, time and time again. But the same old shit keeps happening- it's still pretty much messed up. When will it ever get solved?

Love hurts,
but sometimes it's a good hurt

_______________________________________________

This songs reminds me of you. Sigh. And till when will you realise that it's real?

Sick

2009-04-09T11:03:00.002+08:00

Life has taken a toll on me. I fell sick out of the blue. I had fever and sore throat. It actually made me sacrifice my time with my dosage of laughter drugs. Not fair! After 2 days of rotting at home, my fever subsided but not my throat. It's getting worst! I'm guessing it's my tonsils. Damn. Whatever that I consume, feels like as if it's going to come out as vomit. *Prolly the fastest way to slim down. Heh*

Sitting at home for a week, away from work is the ultimate awesomeness. :D

I suddenly crave for Chocolate Cream Chip with whipped cream. Fir, buy for me! Hehe. :D

Gahh. I don' know what else to write. Bleargh.

Elated & Upset

2009-04-07T17:15:00.004+08:00

Only Joyce knew how I felt yesterday night. One word. Fcuking awesome. No wait. That's two. -.-"

Yesterday, today and tomorrow will be full of laughter and pictures. A day with Hazwan and Firdaus is all it takes to make me go mentally insane. They're like my everyday dosage of laughter drugs.

As soon as I woke up, I text-ed him. Only god knew how I felt that very instance when he replied. I swear I felt like jumping on my bed. Gahh. I know I'm crazy.

One thing's for sure, I'm all smiles now. (:

~~<3m~~

@ 5:53pm
And now I'm upset. I'm sorry Nizam. I didn't mean to. I'm really sorry..

(:

2009-04-06T09:50:00.003+08:00

After all that's been said & done, Man left me. Tsk.

Sharing & bitching session with exit girlfie, Joyce was amazing. So many things were pouring out. I think I need to stop mixing with the guys & start mixing with the girls. Haha. Sharing sessions with Nasa was also awesome. Gahh. He's like my mobile listening ear. Always there to listen when I need someone to talk to. (:

Joyce told me to confess to M*. No way! I shy. =X

And I'm going out with Fir & Wan today. Bitching sessions. :D I think the whole lot of us need to meet up soon yknow. So many things have been happening, so little time.

Ignorance isn't bliss yknow. I'm contradicting, I know. But seriously, embrace the issue, address the issue and don't hide from it.

Mentally Insane

2009-03-30T11:51:00.004+08:00

Ever since I've been shifted to the Entrance counter, life has been a boredom. And when there's an influx of customer, there's really ALOT of customers. I hate it when they go, "Can I try this set?". So after all the hassle of taking off the item, unscrew the battery port, screw it back in, trying it out, they go, "Sorry, I don't want this item. Thank you". KNNCCB.

I also hate it when customers come to us and say, "I got this item as a gift, but my daughter/son don't like it. Can I change it for something else?". You got it as a gift for goodness sake. Just take it la. Or better still, keep it and give it to someone else. Tsk. People nowadays. They don't appreciate. If I'm the one who bought it as a gift to someone else and later found out it was exchanged, I'd go up to the person and say, "CB, I buy then you go & exchange it?! FUCK you."

So Wandi's chalet has been pushed all the way to either August or September. Boss is maybe making a chalet this coming April. Cool shit. I'll make sure I come down. XD

And I just found out yesterday night that Mewmew's single. Whoots~ Hahahahahahahah. XD

Back after a super short break

2009-03-26T11:43:00.003+08:00

I'm tired of blogging man. Tsk.

So anw, mewmew aka sayang look so dashing yesterday when he came to work with his attachment clothes. Yunus looked good too, but mewmew was better. Gahhhh. =X

Entrance is so boring. Period.

Thank god I didn't miss my last bus yesterday. I ended up talking to Wandi for more than an hour over at Seah Im. The best part was, my drink finished after like, 20 mins of talking. HAHA! Boring sehhhhh. And Wandi, is the bestest companion ever. Now, all that's left is to tell him what has been lingering in my mind all this while. Sigh.

And I can't wait for the chalet he's planning in June/ July! Time to see how ugly the drunkards can be. Confirm buruk-nak-mampos. XD

Bored out of my mind

2009-03-23T16:19:00.002+08:00

I'm bored. Really.

And mewmew aka sayang was sweet yesterday to actually swap his break time with one of the cashiers so that we could go on break together. XD

BAIK AR!

2009-03-20T18:40:00.001+08:00

BAIK KAPE! I'M OVER AND DONE WITH CE POINTS!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! LALALALALALALAALALALALALAALALALALALALLALALA. XD

yelah. aku dah buang tebiat.

Another piece gone

2009-03-16T10:34:00.012+08:00

So as of today, another boy left me to serve the nation. Not fair! I'm starting to miss Boy#1 and now, Boy#2 has left. GAHHHH.

I'll miss my late night calls with him. Who's gonna entertain me now that he's gone? I didn't even bid him a proper goodbye. I was too engrossed with work yesterday till I totally forgot about him. :(

Well Falah, Thanks for all the shit you've gone through with me so far. Thanks for all the stories you share with me, the problems, the laughters and the tears you cried for me. I'll remember them.

I hope that, when you ORD, you'll be a better man than what you already are now. Pelan-pelan kayuh ok! Remember, if you need anyone to talk to, I'm ALWAYS here for you, like how you've been there for me all this while. (:

*************************************

So, on Friday, Man booked out early & we went out! :D We went over to Esplanade and just sit-sit & talk-talk. We camwhored a little and then we headed to Suntec. Thought of dropping by at the IT fair but nooooooooo. TOO MANY PEOPLE! So then I headed down to starbucks to see whether Naz was working and she was! So after Suntec, we planned to go to marina barrage. We were already at the train station when Khai & Ira said they were at Esplanade. So we head back to Esplanade and walked to Clarke Quay. We left around midnight and Khai drove us back home. (:

**********************************************

So on Saturday, I met babyloves! Hahahahahaha. Khai, Wan, Fir, Faizah & myself went to the Supreme Court to check out their open house. We even got to see a re-enactment of a court trial. It wasn't a first for me though. I've seen a trial before. Not in the mood to type now. My flu is killing me. Basically its, City Hall to Bugis to Clarke Quay to Chinatown to Outram. (: AND I GOT TO MEET MY SAYANG AFTER SO MANY MONTHS! XD

if only you knew \\ i'm missing you

So long, Alif Anwari

2009-03-10T16:11:00.004+08:00

So now a piece of me has left to serve the nation. He'll definitely be missed. It's a pity he didn't want me to send him off this morning. All because he said, "tak payah la, mak aku nak hantar".

I met him last Wednesday and all I said was, "I'll miss you". He said it wasn't necessary to miss him. He'll sms me every now and then. He then punched me on the arm and said, "dah dah, pergi buat kerja. takmo rindu aku". Damn. He made me wanna cry. I'm gonna miss that heart melting smile..

All the best Alif Anwari. I'll be here waiting for your return. (:

*******************************************

So this Saturday, I'll be heading to RP in the morning with Abang Pi dearest. Gahh. Been long since I last saw him. Then, I'll meet Man and off we'll go to Supreme Court's family day to meet Khai, Wan and maybe Faizah. After Supreme Court's done, Man and myself will head down to East Coast to meet up with Khai, Mira, Andy, Wani and Az to celebrate's Andy's birthday! XD

And on Monday, I'll be going for a job interview. What job, you ask?

Part time Conversational Trainer under GNS School of Business & Technology

For any comments, please feel free to text me or keep it to yourself.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR EAST COAST! XD

Life Is Wonderful - Jason Mraz

xoxo, in love with only you.

Disbelieve

2009-03-05T17:41:00.003+08:00

When I reached home yesterday night after work, I saw a letter from ITE sitting on the dining table. As usual, it's already been opened by mummy. What I saw inside was totally unexpected. After a year graduated from ITE, I received the EAGLES (Edusave Awards for Achievement, Good Leadership and Service) Awards. Like, WTH?! Cool shiat or what seh. Hahaha. :D

So that, made my night. Hahahahahahahahahaha.

All that's left to say

2009-03-03T16:14:00.003+08:00

After all this while, I don't know what else to say anymore. It's like, because of an issue, so many things happen.

I don't know what else should I do anymore. I'm kinda drained out yknow. Sigh.

So many things, so little time.

Lingering

2009-02-28T14:21:00.002+08:00

After what happened yesterday, it kept me awake till 5 am. I feel that, some things are just better left unsaid. Yeah, true, reality hurts, but somehow you just wished not to know the truth.

I'm really sorry over what happened yesterday. I didn't mean for everything to end up that way. I went home with a heavy heart seeing the expression on the face. It's like, I lost someone right that instance.

And I know you're trying to put up a strong front that you're ok. Deep down, I know you're not. If you ever need someone to talk to. I'm here. I'm here to listen to everything.

I'm sorry Fir.
Maybe it was just not meant to be..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2009-02-27T01:58:00.003+08:00

Hey Abang Pi tersayang! Happy 20th yeah? Hope this year would be an amazing year for you. All the best for FYP yeah? Don't stress yourself too much okay? I'm always here if you ever need someone to talk to. Been great knowing you all these while. All the best in your love life. HAHA! (You know i know) So anw, hope your birthday celebration will be a blast. Semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki, insya Allah. OH! SAYANG ABANG MANY MANY! ;D

Lotsa love,
"Adik Ain"
Heh!

Throwing in the white towel

2009-02-24T23:59:00.003+08:00

I thought I could control myself emotionally, yet, I was wrong. I'm no longer strong; no longer the girl who fight back the emotions, no matter how tormenting it can be. Nowadays, I give in to my emotions, allowing it to control my mind. What has happen to me?

I think I need help.

Tempat Terindah - Ungu

Dismay

2009-02-23T12:47:00.003+08:00

Sem 2 results are out and I'm definitely disappointed with myself. I know I could do WAY better and some are shock of my results. But from what I did in Sem 2, the GPA i got was beyond disbelieving. I thought I'd get below 2.0 above 1.0, but alhamdulillah, I'm still above 2.0. Oh well, it's time to buck up for Yr 2 & Yr 3.

On a lighter note, click here for photos of my Cambodia trip! (:

Back from Cambodia

2009-02-21T15:36:00.002+08:00

Yeah. I'm back. Summary of what happened there yeah?

4:30am. Changi Airport. Jetstar. 1hr 30mins. Eileen. Yaojie. Kristy. Sam. Ian. Derek. Zoe. Evon. Meryl. Hui Qi. Melvyn. Song Wen. Dian. Nathan. Serene. Jesslyn. Siew Hui. Wilson. Zhengkai. JL. Jasper. KK. Gwen. Phnom Penh. Market. Caritas. Houseflies. Dog. Bakeries. Kandal. Dom. Meng. Torchlight. Cooking. Laundry. Beds. Mosquitoes. Bites. Captain's ball. Netball. Basketball. Volleyball. Biogasification. Composting. Fruit peels. Wedding. Pork. Pork. More pork. Sardine. Kankong. Fire wood. Lighter. Mosquito Coil. Street food. Snake. Hen. Rooster. Creampuffs. Haram. Russian Market. Old market. Valentine's Day. Rose. Pol Pot. Khmer. Genocide. Landmines. S-21. Killing fields. Lost wallet. Police report. 7 hour bus ride. Siem Reap. Lotus Lodge. War Museum. Angkor Wat. Angkor Temples. Sunset. Sunrise. 7 hour bus ride. Phnom Penh. Le President Hotel. More street food. Posh restaurant. 55th Birthday. Dragon head slaughter. No night life. 1hour Tuktuk ride. More and more street food. Caltex. Overslept. Phnom Penh International Airport. Jetstar. 1hr 30mins. Singapore. Cab. Home. (:

Thanks Kor kor. Remember your kakak always ok? (:
Thanks Melvyn for the rose on Valentine's. And you're welcome. Thanks for being my companion too. (:
Thanks Gwen for the ipod charger. :D
Thanks Dian for sharing stories with me. (:

I changed my mobile number. If you want it, ask me for it ok?

And thanks <3

Official goodbye

2009-02-09T00:32:00.002+08:00

Cha's offered to drive me down to the airport. So nice of her. (:

.

Leaving

2009-02-07T01:51:00.003+08:00

Can't believe I'm leaving soon. Seriously, I've not packed yet. Hahaha. Dammit.

Goodbye all. Miss me when I'm gone ok? (:

Promise me you'll await my return..
I'm gonna miss you..

Goodbye Singapore

2009-02-02T11:05:00.003+08:00

In just a week, I'll be leaving for Cambodia till the 21st. The best part is, I've yet to start packing my stuff. I feel so lazy to go and fold clothes and pack the necessities, blah3.

And when I come back, 3 weeks later, I'll leave for Malacca for a school trip too.

I'm traveling a lot aren't i?

Maybe traveling is a good way to keep my mind off things.

Lokman's traveling too. He's leaving for Indonesia on the 17th; off to climb the volcanoes. And at a later date, he's going backpacking to Europe.

My colleagues are heading off to KL too. Decided not to join them since there may be a clash of events.

Good month for traveling, aey?

(:

Observing

2009-01-29T15:07:00.002+08:00

As I pick up my own pieces, right before my very eyes, I see my own friends falter bit by bit. Is life getting too hard? Or are we the ones not having enough strength to face it all?

As I help them pick up their pieces, I thank god for the strength he has given me all this while. It may not be much as I falter quite a lot, but I'm thankful for every bit of it I have within me.

I'll be leaving for Cambodia very soon and I have yet to pack my clothes and necessities. I feel so lazy. Damn.

Come on people, let's help ourselves out.

Troubled

2009-01-26T16:41:00.002+08:00

I know I'm not myself this few days. I don't know why. There's so many things running in my mind lately. I don't know where to start. I wanna sort them out. But I don't know how to.

Letting go is an option. In fact, it's the only option I have in mind. But I know, letting go makes me feel like I lost a part of me, like how I let go of the misunderstanding I had with Alif. I let go and I felt like I couldn't connect to him anymore. When the both of us were working yesterday, I felt different. Sigh.

Somebody help me pick up the pieces will you? I'm seeing myself falter right before my very eyes..

Comeback

2009-01-24T13:21:00.003+08:00

Hello earthlings! I'm back.

And presenting to you, my current addiction, Daniel Henny. :D

Catch him on OKTO today, 10pm, Seducing Mr Right. :D

Go away

2009-01-19T22:18:00.000+08:00

I'm on

HIATUS

Roller coaster emotions

2009-01-17T13:48:00.003+08:00

As I was still in pain yesterday, I didn't attend school. I decided to sleep till noon as I felt really tired. I woke up, walked to the kitchen and came back to the room, crying. I had no idea why. Why was I crying? Is it because I miss love? Is it because I'm stressed out? No, definitely not PMS. Jim says maybe it's the post syndrome. Tsk. Fancy a boy telling me that.

When I received a call from love yesterday, I stared at the phone for a minute. I couldn't believe he was actually calling me. I answered the call, almost at the verge of tears. Maybe I miss him. Maybe. It suddenly struck me when he asked, "do you miss me?". I was speechless. Pfft.

I wish my parents have alot of money so that they can send me for piano, drum and guitar lessons. :D

False pretense

2009-01-13T18:43:00.004+08:00

As the time goes by, people change- either for the better, or for the worst. Time's moving real fast. Soon, (ok, not so soon), there'll be the BIG number 2 in my age. 20. I wonder what the future holds.

Sometimes, I sit down and think to myself. Friends. Who are they really? Are they suppose to be the ones to be there in times of need when family is not the option to choose? To me they are. Like, they're basically the ones who are mostly there to support you in terms of physically or emotionally. But what are they when you need them the most? What happen to the so called "friends" when you need them most? Doesn't it leave you pondering too? Now now, don't get me mistaken. This is just a random thought. I was thinking of a friend actually. I'm glad that I was there when he needed support. (:

Everyday, I feel that I'm putting on a facade. I may look happy, but deep down, I think I'm messed up. Pretty much messed up. I don't know what's happening around me anymore. Conflicts are showing up here and there and no one's admitting them. It gets revert back to me and it's made seem like as if I'm the one who did it. I'm not assuming it's whoever, but if it's really you, please quit your act and come forth to admit your doings. No point dragging it further and making people into thinking that I'm the one who's going against myself. I may be messed up, but I'm pretty much able to think straight, mind you.

Maturity. At what age does it strike you? How much experience do you have to go through in order to be considered "matured"? How many perspectives do you have to view from in order to be considered "matured"? Is it considered as, the older you are, the more maturely you'll think? The golden question is, am I matured?

Love. How far should we give in to this "love"? Everything? What is everything? What is considered established love? Why do some people get obsessive and possessive when it comes to love? Can one go mentally unsound because of love? Like bgf always remind me, "never get blinded by love". And this should go out to all of you who are in love. And I'm saying this in the context of being in a relationship and not marriage. If I were to talk about marriage, it'd come from a different side of me that you'll be shocked to see. (:

If you're suffering from a break up, live with it. Yeah, it's hard, trust me, it's real HARD, but seriously, live with it. Don't make it seem like you're desperate to get them back cause you think that you love that person so much. Love will find you one day. There's a reason why god created man & woman. Go figure. And please, don't talk about homosexuality with me. That's a different story altogether and I'm in no right position to talk about it. And, I believe, homosexuality is NOT natural. YOU made it happen. Mind over matter kids. And here's my advice to your friends who are homosexual: let them be. Trust me, I learnt it the hard way. Just let them be. It's something shared between them and god. Don't go eew or omg or i-can't-believe-this on them. Don't shun away from them either. Just let them be. They're humans too and humans make mistakes. Just that, they take a longer time to realise their mistake. No wait, maybe they fully know it IS wrong, but like I said, it's something shared between them and GOD. (:

I'm really good at putting on a facade, aren't i?

And please, don't pretend to be someone you're not.

You think you know me aye?

2009-01-12T13:10:00.003+08:00

I don't exactly know how to describe this feeling. It's wonderful. It hurts. It makes your heart melt. It makes your leg wobbly. It sweeps you off your feet. And sometimes, it makes you blind. What is it?

So anyway, Farah, Jing ying, Xiujing, Rendall, Engsen and myself were talking today. Tsk. So much to talk about.

And I discovered something today. Amazing how friendship with other people brings other people closer together. And you would be shock at how small Singapore really is.

And to end off, don't think you know me just by reading my blog posts. I'm NOT who you think I am. And don't put on a false pretense telling people what my character is like but in reality, we've never talked before. You don't know me yknow.

Meet ups

2009-01-09T15:25:00.002+08:00

Met up with love yesterday. He booked out in the evening and wanted me to have dinner with him. Dad was asking where I was going. I said I was going out for dinner and he didn't say much. Haha.

Spending time with love was great. (:

Meeting up for dinner with Fir & Fatin. Usual dinner meet ups. (:

I'm meeting Nazirah Sairon this Monday. :D

Love

2009-01-06T15:37:00.003+08:00

Love is amazing. Ok ok. As I wasn't quite believing in love anymore, but now, I am, very much, in love.

I realised, however, I'm an idiot when it comes to it. We're not moving too fast, not too slow either- more like steady pace. We're not attached either; just a special relationship we both share. But the both of us have the same fear- we're afraid to hurt each other. Aeisha said love hurts and I believe in that. It's true. If you don't get hurt, it's not called love. Maybe there's something stored in the future for us.

I can't reveal's love identity yet, but insya Allah, when the time is right, he will be known to most. :D

Love, I miss you. Hurry up and get back soon. ):

Embracing 2009 with open arms

2009-01-02T16:53:00.005+08:00

So it's about time I leave behind 2008. But what happened in 2008 actually? Let's recall, in random order.

Attachment. ITE. Work. RP. E35Q. Selatra. Seligi Tunggal Kemuning. Alif Anwari. Lina. Yana. Rafi. Suhana. Shasha. Whoda. Tina. Liyana. Aeisha. Farah. Khairani. Fee. Sean. Afro. Falah. Fuad. AFF Suzuki Cup. Juzailah. Zai. Nazrul. Najiha. Rin. Nuruz. Shahril. Shaizah. Shi Li. Fatin. Firdaus. Hazwan. Zaidi. Zhein. Khairiah. Faizah. W16F. Neutral party. Wandi. And lastly, <3.

Thanks to all who have made an impact in my life. Whether good or bad, you made my 2008. Sorry if I did not mention your name. You slipped off my mind.

And lastly, to love, thanks for all the time you've spent with me. Hopefully, 2009 will be a better year for us, insya Allah. (:

"I wanna grow old with you.."

Love Story - Beethoven

Mini gathering

2008-12-31T23:32:00.003+08:00

2008 kinda ended off with a big bang I suppose. So a few of my ITE mates and myself met up to just catch up and have dinner together.

Bambang, Dzam, Ijan, Aisah, Aniza, Selamat, Shasha and Suhana (Su, kau extra ar. hahaha!). Dinner at Mr Teh Tarik over at Geylang. The usual laughters back in ITE was heard again today.

Ahh. I miss these bunch of people. And thanks for making today happen. (:

Happy new year everyone. (:

Ushering in the New Year

2008-12-31T15:40:00.003+08:00

Maal Hijrah 1430 just passed and 2009's just a few more hours away. How have your 2008 been? Mine definitely was a roller coaster ride. I'll show you what I mean.

Haha. The drawing so buroknakmampos. So that's it. A good start, a bad mid year and a good ending. For now, I'm contented.

And I'm falling in love. (:

Slowly

2008-12-26T13:02:00.003+08:00

Before he lands himself in the clutches of my wrath, I think I'll stop here. If he doesn't want to listen, then so be it. I'm tired of explaining things anymore. How many times must I reason out till he eventually realise my intention is different?

I realised, yes, he was pissed at that point of time when I said those words to him and whatever I said added fuel to the flame. But come on la, I'm your FRIEND. Don't place me in a spot where you take girls in general. I'm NOT the girls in general. I'm your lost and found FRIEND for the past Allah-knows-how-long years.

So for now, I told him, if it made him feel better, blame everything on me. Then he'd be a happy man. I know, I sound silly, like real silly, but hey, I can't see him sad and all. But till now, no news. Oh well.

" Then just explain things with him.. If he is still angry about it then he's not worthy of a friend."
" Maybe he was pissed off with other stuff then when u said something, he just let off steam. Give him time."

Words are power. (:

Misinterpretations

2008-12-24T23:42:00.005+08:00

"Aku ngan kau kwn je la...buto...."
"Fuck la.. wat ever it is that is over the limit"
"Aku suddenly takde mood dengan perempuan"
"Perempuan slalu kata dorg kena bastard.. Abeh aku camner...? Fuck gerlz.."

I was trying to help. But why must you do this to me? Why? What have I done to deserve all this? You told me to meet you up. I was outside so you came down instead. We walked around but you kept quiet all the way. You ended up telling me you have no mood. WTF. I'm really wanting to sort things out for you. How am I suppose to help if you're not picking up the pieces yourself? I'm defenseless too and venting your anger on me hurts me..

"Suffering in silence?? U gt any problems? Wats wrong?"
"Friendship problems i see... U noe i can live without friends... U must have that mentality to survive in this world"
"U noe sometimes when this happens, just let it go"
"I noe. Life sucks. But what to do. It's not like we can change the world.."
"Like i said, always think on the positive side and things will get better."

Thanks jun. I really needed that. (:

Sigh.

Why do this to me?

Why is my 2008 full of misery?

Will 2009 be better?

Only Allah s.w.t knows.

And so many thoughts lingering in my mind caused me to have restless nights. When can I ever get a peaceful sleep? Sigh.

STK vs Grasio

2008-12-21T12:58:00.010+08:00

So yesterday, dragging my sister along, I went down to Pasir Ris CC to watch silat friendly match between STK & Grasio. I met Azmi and Naz there. Apparently, Macan Pasrah came down for a friendly match against Grasio too. (:

As I was happily snapping pictures, my digicam battery died on me. I forced my sister to accompany me buy batteries but she was lazy to go down so that was the end of my photos. -.-"

Kudos to STK for their respective matches. Despite those who didn't win their round, the whole team's still proud of their performance! And some opponents are just so exaggerating. There wasn't any outcome but they made it like it is. -.-" Whatever. Like my sister said, "He's so full of himself". True enough. The whole team felt like bringing him down. Sheesh.

Went home by train with Salihin, Itah, Alif and Tarmizi. (:

And as usual, Alif's performance was AWESOME. ((:

Pictures below! Heh. As usual, I'm always lazy to write.

Team A

Adib (Grasio) vs *I-got-no-idea-what-his-name-is* (STK)

*I-got-no-idea-what-her-name-is* (Grasio) vs Shazrin (STK)

*I-got-no-idea-what-her-name-is* (Grasio) vs Sharina (STK)

*I-got-no-idea-what-his-name-is* (Grasio) vs *I-thought-he's-Farhan-till-I-realised-last-Sat-he's-not* (STK)

So that's about it. I may be watching soccer match with the STK people later! :D

Confused

2008-12-20T13:31:00.003+08:00

Why? Why for once, can't I be angry at you for a very long time? 8:53 in the morning. I thought it was my alarm that I set at 9am. Apparently, it was a phone call from you instead. Why do you have to call me early in the morning? I told you already, I wake up late cause I really have got nothing to do at home. But no, you're still persistent on giving me wake up calls.

He wanted me to come down for his friendly match today. He needed/wanted to talk to me. As I was still deciding, he talked to me over the phone instead. Apologies were heard. He just didn't know how to tell it to me. All I know is, he isn't proud of the whole relationship. And he's really sorry he didn't tell me earlier. Apparently, I forgave him. Sigh.

Why? Why did I?

Dissapointed & upset

2008-12-17T19:30:00.002+08:00

I'm utterly disappointed in you. How could you do this to me? Don't you respect me as a friend anymore? Why do you have to deny everything? Why? Am I no longer important to you? Am I? Must be I'm just someone passer by to you.

Not important to you anymore aye? You're real different now boy and you've made me real disappointed and I'm upset.

Surprise Call

2008-12-17T11:31:00.004+08:00

Girlfie Shaizah called me yesterday and I was shocked! Haha. I miss her terribly. We really need to meet up cause there's so many stories to share. 20th is not doing me justice (no wait, I'd get killed if Alif sees this cause he expects me to come down to see his friendly match), but of all days, it just have to be the 20th. Shaizah darla, I'll come up with a day soon when you, Chi & I will have the greatest time of our lives. :D

Love you girlfriends. <3

Someday soon ohkay? (:

Waiting and wondering

2008-12-16T17:46:00.003+08:00

So it's been a long time since I last got attached. Haha. I guess maybe it's about time I go find one. LOL. No wait, it's not an easy task.

Screw it. Wait till he comes find me. (:

David Choi finally smiles! (you might be wondering who the hell this guy is). Well, in my opinion, he's the most amazing youtube singer ever. AMAZING. :D Go check him out. The name's David Choi.

The first three days of holidays, including tomorrow, is sooooo going to be a super boring one. I should be in Ubin for a 2 day camp trip, but I ended up with MC on Monday. Damn. Sean's away in Penang having fun. Hopefully he comes back well. I sure don't want him to fall sick there. Take care Sean! (:

Yunus pm yesterday was, "Fuck oFF dont come talk to mi!". Poor boy. Hopes he find fun in work today. Must be a dread cause I'm not around for him to disturb. (Ya right. HAHA) Sunday is getting disturbed by "seniors-at-work" day! All the sweets in my bag which is conveniently hiding in my locker 3/4 gone because the boys self-service, thinks my locker is a provision shop and poof!, all sweets gone. -.-" Another victim is also my perfume. Tsk. Free flow. It's a girl's perfume and they go around, spraying themselves at 1 or 2am in the morning (after we knock off from work) and Khai will be screaming, "what smell is this?!". -.-" And I can still remember, Yunus's work shirt smells of my perfume. Tsk. Well, they are my only source of entertainment however. (:

Would you believe if I said I handmade the card? (:

Happy belated birthday Alif! (:

Back to rotting now.

I have my needs

2008-12-14T19:08:00.002+08:00

Because sometimes, I have my needs too.

2008-12-10T13:48:00.002+08:00

Regulations of this quiz is:

- People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by them.
- Tag 5 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse.
- These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.
- Continue this game by sending it to other people.

Tagged by: Hazwan

Q: If you have 3 wishes, what will that be?
> Endless cash flow? (haha. ok ok. I seem greedy here)
> Get myself a DSLR, Holga, Fisheye, Polaroid(s), etc, etc, etc (It's all in ONE wish!)
> To be a better person? (:

Q: Did you ever think to yourself and wonder if you're really real?
If I wasn't I wouldn't be here.

Q: Are you afraid of what lies ahead of you?
Sometimes, yes. I may never know what's happening next.

Q: Would you change yourself for the person you love?
Depends?

Q: Do you belief in Love?
Yes.

Q: How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
I don't mind waiting, no matter how long it takes. But I realise, sometimes, it's not worth your time.

Q: If the person you liked doesnt like u back, what would you do?
Move on cause there may be someone who's worthy of your love out there (:

Q: Is there anything that made you unhappy these days?
Definitely.

Q: Do you get butterflies in your stomach whenever you're around the guy/girl you like?
Guess so. Who doesn't anyway?

Q: Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?
Yeap.

Q: Who are currently most important people to you?
Family and close friends.

Q: Have you ever wanted someone but you knew you couldn't?
Yup.

Q: Are you happy with your life?
Now? No. Guess I screwed up.

Q: Would you give your all in a relationship?
Define ALL. Maybe.

Q: What type of friends do you like?
What kind of a question is this?

Q: Do you often wish there was something you could change?
Yes but that's not possible (:

Q: What will you look at first when you first set eye on a girl/guy?
Their SMILE. (:

Q: If your lover betrayed you, what will be your reaction?
I'll be, "oh, ok". Then I'll kill him.

TAGGING :If you feel like doing, you do ok? HAHA.

我知道你还爱着我

2008-12-06T00:52:00.000+08:00

Tagged by: Muneera Darla
RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continuing this game by sending it to other people.

1. Do you have secrets?
So does everybody else. Heh.

2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl older than you?
Yes, a year younger or up to 5 years older.

3. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?
Well, I’ve waited up to a year for someone.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Wow. We’ll see when I really get that money. Heh. But one thing’s for sure, retire early. (:

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Yes, because if he is my bestfriend, the both of us know our character inside out. It’s easier but it may sometimes be awkward.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Definitely both.

7.How do you define love?
Till this very day, I can’t define what’s love. I’ll prolly find out when I’m being loved or am in love. All I know is that, love is wonderful and hurtful at the same time. (:

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Familiar story. I learnt this from a friend’s friend; God feels that you deserve someone better. (:

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
Hmm. Nothing so far. Life committed suicide lately.

10. What makes you sad?
Losing those who are important to me, like how I’m loosing people (maybe I’m the one at fault). I lost a precious one 3 years ago..

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
Just got married for a year? Heh. Career woman, definitely.

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
Family, no matter how much I always make things worst for my parents and all those that have been there for me through these tough times.

13. What is being regarded as the most important thing in your life?
Seeing others happy even if it means sacrificing my own happiness.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Single & rich. Because if I’m married & poor, life would be difficult living in Singapore.

15. What is your favourite colour?
BLACK.

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, and both of them do the same, who would you pick?
Tough one. Depends on who we’re talking about. Heh.

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
I have yet to forgive some, because some is definitely hard to forgive. I will definitely not forget also. I don’t generally bear grudges but at the same time, I don’t forgive blindly.

18. What do you want to tell to the person you like?
I’m no expert in this. But I believe it is best if we let the person know, because they might return the same feelings to you. (:

19. If there is a choice between lover and friends,which will you choose?
Friends. (:

20. Do you believe that there's "True Love"?
Yes. (:

5 ppl who's going to do this survey.
a) Fiiez
b) Fir
c) Fatin
d) Anayil
e) You?

我知道你还爱着我

Overdue

2008-12-02T19:26:00.006+08:00

So below are the pictures for Flames Award and Closing Bash. Enjoy ya'll. (:

Reminiscing

2008-11-27T00:02:00.002+08:00

Luahan Hati Yang Merindu

Di malam yang sepi ini
di kala manusia diulit mimpi
terhasillah coretan ini
untuk kau yang amat dirindui...

sering tertanya di lubuk hati
mengapakah perpisahan harus terjadi?
walaupun ianya tidak direlai.
adakah ianya untuk menguji kesetiaan diri?
atau hanya menduga ketabahan hati?
atau mungkinkah...ianya sudah kehendak ilahi?

kau yang berada nun jauh di sana
apakah kau sedang enak dibuai lena?
atau sedang mengenangkan pertemuan indah?
yang melahirkan bibit-bibit cinta...

Bertahun telah berlalu
cintaku masih seperti dulu
setiap detik ingatanku hanya padamu
setiap saat wajahmu bermain di mataku
dan selamanya namamu
terukir di hatiku...

mungkinkah cinta kita akan disatukan?
dengan ikatan yang selama ini kita impikan
atau mungkinkah...
ianya akan terlerai di tengah jalan?
yang akan mengundang seribu kekesalan...

pintaku padamu tuhan
kau tetapkanlah keimanan
agar cinta kami berkekalan
dan tidak dinodai dengan keraguan

janganlah kau pisahkan kami
setelah kami dipertemukan
dan tolonglah hambamu ini
mengecapi kebahagiaan
yang selama ini diidam-idamkan...

harapanku padamu kasih
agar kau sabar menempuhi
setiap dugaan yang datang merintangi
hargailah sebuah perhubungan yang suci
jagalah sekeping hati yang telah diberi
bersama keikhlasan dan kasih sayang mengiringi
berserta kejujuran dan kesetiaan mendampingi
insyaallah, cinta kita akan kekal abadi...

berjanjilah wahai sayangku
hanya diri ini yang akan bertakhta di hatimu
hingga ke akhir waktu...

*******************************************************************
And I wonder, where is he and how has he been doing? Hmm..

Should I?

2008-11-21T15:02:00.003+08:00

Chacha went to Pulau Sibu this mornig for fishing. Told me not to miss her, but I am already, considering the fact that there's no one else to talk to on MSN.

Cha. Hurry up and come back. IMY. ):

Artistic Tapestry; Reflections 2008

2008-11-17T12:14:00.007+08:00

Ok, it was awesome despite the super thick makeup. HAHA. Picturesssssssssss. :D

Belated birthday present

2008-11-16T21:44:00.002+08:00

Thanks huds. (:

Hurt and in pain

2008-11-10T22:49:00.003+08:00

So as usual today, had Reflections training. I finally got my Silat steps right but I gotta speed up the movements. Not easy to remember for a newbie like me ok. Heh. Buuttttttt, the kechipak-kechipong dance (as labelled by Sam) is sooooooo merepek-nak-mampos. I got dizzy cause of so many turns to be made. And to those who are coming down, I'm gonna look like an idiot guys, dancing to that kechipak-kechipong dance with silat uni (to know more, wait for this Saturday aite?).

During Maghrib's break, we Selatra girls went to get snacks from TRCC. On the way back, Farah suggested playing catching. Yeah, of all games to ever entertain ourselves. I was just walking about, when Fiiez (the catcher) tapped my shoulder. So I was just walking around, then I started to run. I was a bit too fast, slipped at the stairs and my last two toes on the right leg got hit against the side surface and the impact was so strong I was partly limp. So I thought, maybe I should give about 5 mins to let it cool down. When I resumed to train, I couldn't do it. I couldn't bend my toes. I sat around the corner, hoping it'd be better. But noooooo, it got swollen. Sheesh. Ah, main lagi kat tangga. Padan muka kau. After the whole training, I requested Fir to help me out. And what happened next was soooo.....

When Fir started massaging, I screamed to the extent the whole building could hear me. That wasn't the worst part. So he started massaging to find the right vein. It was so painful, tears were streaming down my cheeks and I pulled back my feet. But he got the best of me and pulled it back. I think the massaging lasted about 15 minutes? So it was purely 15 mins of healing and pain and crying and laughing (cause Sam was spouting nonsense by the side just to make me laugh). My toes can be bent upwards without causing any pain but not downwards; it hurts like f***. (Note: Notice that I did not use "excruciating" pain. The reason being, most of them said Cik Mail's massage is far more painful than what Fir did. Ekin and Sam said Fir's massage is just 1/4 of the pain Cik Mail exerts. F***)

Hopefully it'll be better by tomorrow. Heh. Pray for it to heal faster! Heh.